Running In Circles
by Tergon
Summary: A Pietro POV, written for Meredith's Slash Challenge. Rated for swearing. SLASH


Response to Meredith's Slash Challenge, a Pietro POV.

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Normally, when I say something like "I talk faster than I think", people think I'm making a joke. They tend to think that when I say anything about speed, in any form. And yeah, mostly they're right. Quick feet, quicker wit. That's me.  
But every now and then I get tired of running. Metaphorically, I mean. When something bothers me, I like to face up to it.  
You'd think that by now I'd have learned my lesson, that I screw up whenever I try that. But no, not me. I open my big mouth and the words come out even faster than I can stop them.  
Like now. God, I'm screwed now.  
  
And no, that wasn't entirely a metaphor.  
  
I always missed Wanda. When Dad took her away, I was so mad. I think it was about then that I stopped loving him as a father any more – and let me tell you, I put up with a lot before I finally gave in. Except that he knew that.  
He once told me, "_Emotions must be disguised by those who would lead. The ability to control others comes from the ability to manipulate them – and there is no better way to control someone than via their emotions_." But I never figured out, for a long time, that he was doing the same thing to me.  
  
I knew why I did what he said. The idea, all along, was that he knew where Wanda was – and maybe, just maybe, if I hung around, he'd let it slip. Then I could find her again. Make everything better, like it used to be before Dad signed me up with the B-Hood.  
But he knew what I was doing. All along.  
And he used it.  
The whole time, he had me under his thumb. I'd do anything he said – and all he had to do was not tell me where my sister was.  
Then when she came back, he found a new way. It wasn't one he'd planned, either – just sorta happened. But if it's not just as good as the last method, it's even better.  
  
At first I wasn't gonna leave. At least, not straight away. I mean, he erased her entire memory, for God's sake. And he made her hate me, or at least halfway. There was no way I could have gone with her alone, and no way I could have left her behind. So I just waited and watched, hoping I'd get a chance.  
  
Then something happened that I don't think anyone expected.  
  
Alright, so I was over-protective of her. Maybe I went a little over the top. But hey, it was creeping me out, the way Toad was drooling over her. Almost literally, too. Dad hadn't planned that – I don't think he knew about it at first, and when he figured it out he had no idea what to do. But since Wanda wasn't exactly responding, he let it go.  
I wish I could've done that. But like I said, I talk quicker than I think. I was scared.  
If Todd had hurt her... God, I think I would've killed him. And then that would have killed me. So I cornered him first.  
I can remember it. It was over a month ago, but it's like an instant-action replay in my head. Vivid, you know?  
  
It was in his bedroom. Early morning. There's only one wall between our rooms – and a thin fucking wall at that. He was dreaming. And talking in his sleep.  
  
When I heard him say her name, I just lost it.  
  
I don't even remember moving. Just one minute I was in bed, wishing he'd shut the hell up – and the next, I'm holding him by the throat while he's trying to wake up enough to figure out what the hell is going on.  
Here's a nice fact for you – Todd sleeps au naturale. Shocked the hell outa me, but I ignored it. The way I ignored the way he was telling me to "Stop hitting me with that fish!"  
'Course, the fact that he was sporting one hell of a morning glory was harder to ignore, but I did it. Just waited until he focused on me. Then growled in his face that if he touched my sister I'd beat the crap out of him.  
  
He blinked at me. Nothing else. Just blinked. Waited until I let out a few more breaths, then peeled my hands off his throat, easy as you like. I don't think I'll ever forget what he said next.  
"Dude, yo' sister don't gotta touch me 'cept in her worst nightmares. Just like everybody else. I'm used to it, yo. But if I ain't got nothin' else, I'm allowed 'ta dream."  
Calm. Quiet. Like he'd rehearsed it or something. Let me tell you, it shut me up pretty well. Was almost a full twenty seconds before I could speak again, and even then, all I could come up with was _no you're not_.  
He just sat there and looked at me. Then he spoke again.  
"Everyone here hates me, yo. Wanda hates me more than anyone else, looks like. I got nobody, nothin'. I'm just Toad. But I can still hope." He gave that little smile.  
"I got nothin' else," he repeated. "You wan' me to stop dreamin' 'bout yo' sister? Sure, just as soon as I got somethin' else to dream 'bout."  
  
God damn it, why'd he have to phrase it like that?  
Why'd I have to be thinking about how sad it was that he was alone?  
Why'd he have to have such soft fucking skin?  
And why in the _Hell_ did I respond?  
  
It was stupid, it was madness. It was the single weirdest thing that's ever happened to me, one of the most incredible things I've ever done.  
Also the first time I was ever told I was going too slowly. I'm just glad Todd's room is at the end of the hall, so the sound had to carry through my room to anyone else's. I don't think anyone heard. God, I hope not, anyway. There's a conversation I don't want to have with anyone.  
  
"Hey, did you hear those weird noises coming from Todd's room?"  
"Oh yeah, sure, I was the one making them."  
  
Yep. That'd go down just freaking dandy.  
  
Well, good news and bad news, I guess. The good news is that Todd seems to have stopped dreaming about Wanda. And I'm feeling a lot more relaxed, if you know what I mean.  
The bad news, though... it's a real doozy.  
  
Part one is Wanda. Seems that maybe she liked Todd drooling after her. Anyway, once he stopped paying attention to her, she started paying attention to him. Kinda put him in an awkward position, no pun intended. Not that I blame him, or anything. He never pretended to go only one way. Hell, I've slept with more girls than I can count, so it's not like I find it weird. But he didn't do anything. Yet. And Wanda's getting pretty fucking blatant about it, too. Sooner or later he's going to have to make a choice – not like he can keep it up with both of us. That'd be a little too weird. So we're kinda competing, me and Wanda, even though she doesn't know about it.  
  
God, talk about your screwed-up sibling rivalries.  
  
The other part of the bad news is Dad. He knows.  
I could tell, the moment he first saw me and Todd together after that first time. He just looked confused for a moment, then grinned. This big, victorious grin. He wasn't concerned for anyone's feelings. He didn't care that his only son was sinking the brown ferret[1], as it were. All he cared about was that he had a new handle on me.  
And now I can't go anywhere. Even if I wanted to.  
  
So now I don't have any choices left. There are only two people in the whole world who I care about anymore, and I don't know if either of them care enough about me to try and make it on our own. I can't leave either of them behind, I know that – I couldn't live with it. And once again, Dad knows it.  
  
If I leave with Wanda, he'll hurt Todd.  
If I leave with Todd, he'll hurt Wanda.  
If I leave with both of them, they'll hurt me.  
If I leave alone, I'll hurt myself more than anything else ever could.  
  
All I can do is stay where I am. Things aren't getting better; hell no, they're getting worse by the day. I'm running in circles, and every circuit draws it tighter. I don't think I can last much longer the way things are, but I know I won't last if they get any worse.  
Soon it's all going to come to a head. Then I'm going to either lose everything I ever had, or get everything I ever wanted. Frankly, I don't like my chances of happiness.  
And if I lose, all I'll have is some of the most painful advice I've ever been given.  
  
Even if I have nothing, I might still be allowed to dream.

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[1] Quite possibly, the most politically incorrect term for homosexuality that I've ever seen. It also seems like the kind of term Pietro might use, even about himself. Just wanted to share that with you all.


End file.
